His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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