Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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