As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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