Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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