Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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