Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
