why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
