You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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