you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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