Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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