Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
