I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
