My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
