remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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