So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
