He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
