Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize