In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
