I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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