I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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