I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
