i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
