That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize