Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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