wanna go halves on a baby?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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