i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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