Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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