omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
