people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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