I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
