He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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