there was a trapeze. enough said
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
