Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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