My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
