I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
