Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
