i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
