the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
