I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
