I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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