She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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