I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
