It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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