lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
