I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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