He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
