WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
pray to the hookup gods
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
