cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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