I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
