she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
