I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How does it feel to date your dad?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize