I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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