Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
