He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
