Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize