Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
