Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
