Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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