I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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