He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
