Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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