Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
