his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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