2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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