I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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