i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
