Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
