His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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