Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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