i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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