I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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