oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
