just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
