He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
