remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
