I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
