Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
