would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
