Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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