I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
