I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
