The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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