Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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