I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
a search helicopter?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
