Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
