this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
