i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
