Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
