only if we run a train.
done.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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