Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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