Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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