you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
