so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
