i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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