if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
