I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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