He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
