My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Are we still banned from the library?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
