OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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