I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
